


After

by bodhirookandor



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: I love them so much, M/M, just putting up some things i did for bodhiweek on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 22:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10818060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodhirookandor/pseuds/bodhirookandor
Summary: The bomb hits the side of the ship and Bodhi closes his eyes. It explodes, but all Bodhi can feel is the warm embrace of his mother.





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just putting up the fics from bodhiweek on here. Idk why I hadn't before lmao

_“We belong to the Force, and to it, we shall return.”_

* * *

“Bodhi! Bodhi! I need you to stay with me. Shit, we’re losing him. Someone hold him down!”

* * *

_“Mama, why is it that we never get to go to the Temple anymore?” His mother doesn’t speak, not for a long time. Bodhi hears her crying late into the night, but he doesn’t say anything._

_No one ever says anything._

* * *

“Bodhi! Don’t you dare, don’t you dare-”

“We’re losing him!” 

“Bodhi!”

* * *

_He holds the device in his hands and looks up at Galen. The man opens his mouth to say words, sweet little platitudes meant to mollify his concerns._

_“It’ll be alright, Bodhi,” he says, brown eyes fierce and piercing. He’s trying for comfort, while at the same time digging into Bodhi’s fears and anxiety. A serpent, his words slither into Bodhi’s chest, rip open his terror and make him see._

_“Look,” they whisper, words acidic, “look what you’ve allowed to happen.”_

_Bodhi stands up straight and takes the device to his ship. To do what he believes to be right._

* * *

“Cassian move out of the way! Cassian! Cass! You need to move out of the way! You have to let them work on him! Kriff, Tonc! Tonc, help me!”

* * *

_Bodhi’s seven when he witnesses his first execution. The sun is burning, hot and uncomfortable, as it shines a light on what’s happening on the little podium ahead of them. Bodhi wants to move, to shout and scream, cry and whimper as his uncle is dragged to the front. Words are exchanged, too harsh and angry, too complicated and long for him to understand. But Bodhi gets the gist. And he watches, eyes blown wide, and his mother’s hand shaking on his shoulder, as uncle Canh falls achingly slow to the ground._

_Death introduces himself to Bodhi, and it never leaves._

* * *

“You’ll pull out of this, I believe that.”

* * *

_Asha stands tall in front of the imperial officer, teeth bared and eyes glowing red like molten lava. She’s every inch a warrior, ready and willing to fight for her beliefs. Bodhi swallows his own anger, his rage and stands next to his sister._

_“We need to go Asha,” he whispers, “mama will be expecting us.” The imperial officer sneers, face an ugly red._

_“Yes,” he croons. His voice is sharp, raking over his nerves like hot coal. “Run along now children, wouldn’t want your mother to miss you, now would we?” Bodhi doesn’t say anything, merely pulls on his sister’s hand and walks home._

* * *

“Rest now, little brother. Rest however you can.”

* * *

_“Come on, Bodhi! All of us have tried our luck and we failed. It’s your turn.” Bodhi shakes his head and laughs, freely and openly, the alcohol loosening him up significantly._

_“Lissssen, no way am I going to go over there and,” he blinks, trying to clear his mind, “no way am I going to go over there and look like a fool.” The other cargo pilots laugh._

_“You won’t know if you don’t try,” Nima whispers, voice clear as a crystal bell. Bodhi nods, swallows down his nerves and goes._

_“I won’t know if I don’t try.”_

* * *

“You have to wake up, Bodhi.”

* * *

_He sits in the cell, lips curving over words that he can no longer hear. His hands flutter along the front of his suit. Emotions cascade around him, tangible yet intangible. He wonders if he’s lost his mind. Wonders if he even wants it back. A piece of him cracks, tumbles into the darkness and Bodhi sobs._

_“Are you the pilot?”_

_He breathes and opens his eyes to see brown eyes. They warm him from the inside out, thaw the frozen tundra around his head and Bodhi swallows._

_“Yes,” he gasps, choking on tears that he refuses to let fall. “Yes.” The other man smiles and Bodhi swears he’s never seen something so beautiful._

* * *

“Still no change?”

“Nothing.”

“You can’t keep sitting by his bedside, Cassian. You need rest too.”

“I will…just not yet.”

* * *

_He laughs, loudly and hysterically as a connection is made. Vicious satisfaction courses through him, with all the strength of a raging fire. Bodhi laughs again, louder and angrier. Baring his teeth at no one, the pilot finishes up the last piece of connection and rises, determined to get everyone else off this godforsaken planet._

_A grenade rolls onto the ship. Bodhi looks at it, and jumps._

* * *

“I am one with the Force. And the Force is with me.”

* * *

_“I can’t let you do this,” his mother whispers, fierce and angry. Bodhi takes a hand through his hair, pacing in front of his mother and his sister._

_“It’s already done.” He smiles, although it’s hallow, carved out and empty, stripped down to the bone._

_“It’s already done.”_

* * *

“It’s been weeks. They say he’s in a coma.”

“No.”

“Cassian, you have to face facts here-”

“No. Not yet. He’ll pull through.”

* * *

_Grief washes over him, pulling him down to the darkest pits of the ocean. He can’t see anything, can’t do anything but exist within that tiny little bubble, away from anyone and anything._

_He’d been too late. NiJedha had fallen._

_Bodhi tries to swallow down the lump in his throat but he can’t. It’s too heavy, too angry to be ignored. He curls in on himself, a soft gasp escaping his lips, although he can’t hear it, can’t hear anything. He sits like that until they’re far enough away, repeating three things to himself._

_“My name is Bodhi Rook. I’m the pilot. I was too late.”_

* * *

“You need to wake up okay? You need-you need to wake please.”

* * *

_He sits next to Cassian as they leave for Yavin 4. Neither of them speak for a second but Bodhi breaks it. He rambles, words tripping over themselves as he tries to explain himself. And fuck-he doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to be explaining. His thoughts are erratic, flipping from one end to the next and Bodhi can barely breathe around his words and-_

_A hand touches his and Bodhi looks up and sees Cassian’s concerned expression. His eyes are soft, cool and soothing like the calm ocean or damp earth. Bodhi nods, matching his breaths with the other man. He turns his hand, slowly, almost cautiously intertwining their fingers._

_Cassian squeezes his fingers and Bodhi can almost feel himself falling.  
Is it okay for him to want just this one thing?_

* * *

He wakes up alone, like he’d expected, like he didn’t want to happen. His eyes flicker from his position on the bed, too afraid to move his head. He’s quiet, mouth closed even as his lungs are fit to burst with questions and his chest aches with an emotion he refuses to name. Bodhi passes out.

He’s alone. Like he knows he’d always be.

* * *

_He drags himself through the stained sandy beaches of Scarif. Every move is agony and Bodhi can’t help the tears that stream down his face. He won’t fail. He can’t fail. Not ever again._

_He keeps moving, even though his chest constricts, even though it feels like he’s leaving parts of himself behind. He moves. He has to, they’re counting on him. His visions fades and all Bodhi can see are kind brown eyes and soft fingers wrapped around his own._

* * *

He opens his eyes again, and stares up at the white ceiling for a couple of seconds. It’s quiet, noise stripped from his surroundings and all Bodhi can hear is the faint whirring of the machine monitoring him. He hisses, blinking hard to distract from the pain in his body.

“Bodhi,” someone breathes to his left and he turns, not acknowledging the way his body screams in protest. He catches sight of the person sitting next to him, and his breathing hitches. Cassian Andor smiles, honest and wide, eyes crinkling and teeth showing. His eyes burst into stars and Bodhi can’t help the small gasp that leaves his throat.

“What,” he accepts the water that Cassian hands him, gratefully, “what happened?” Cassian’s smile turns soft, grin melting a fraction and Bodhi feels his mouth become even drier.

“You saved us,” he whispered, emotions crashing in his voice like a turbulent rain storm, “you saved us and _you almost died_.” Cassian swallows, turns away, takes a deep breath, before looking back at Bodhi. Neither of them say anything for a moment, both too caught up in the other to register what’s happening around them.

“Did we,” Bodhi pauses, unsure of how to ask the question, but it needs to be asked so he continues, “did we get it out?” Cassian nods once and Bodhi finds himself smiling, lopsided and painful, but it’s honest.

“We did it Bodhi,” Cassian says, hand softly brushing a lock of hair out of Bodhi’s eyes. His eyes are soft, so so soft and it pulls at something in Bodhi’s chest. “You did it.” Cassian cups his cheek and Bodhi’s eyes flicker down to the other man’s lips and back up to his eyes. A part of him whispers something he’d already known.

Is it okay for him to want this one thing?

“You’re amazing,” Cassian whispers and then he kisses him, a simple press of the lips that leaves Bodhi body tingling and his heart bursting with emotion. They part and Bodhi licks his lips, not missing the way Cassian’s eyes flicker down and then back up again.

“Oh,” Bodhi breathes, eyes wide and a small blooming on his face.

“Oh.” Cassian agrees. Bodhi laughs, even though it hurts and a part of him hates himself for it. Cassian intertwines their fingers and Bodhi finds he doesn’t much care.

* * *

_Bodhi smiles up at mother, gap toothed and bright. He gestures excitedly towards the sky, lips forming words before his mind registers what he’s even saying. His mother laughs, free and carefree in a way that Bodhi hadn’t seen in a while. It reminds him of the wind, breezing between the two of them, filling him with peace and tranquility._

_“You need to slow down, Bodhi,” she laughs, brown eyes twinkling like the stars above them, “take in the world around you one minute at a time.” Bodhi laughs and nods, twirling his sister around as she danced between them._

_“I’m gonna go up there one day,” he says, voice soft with his promise, “Space adventurer, Bodhi Rook. Kindest most bravest man in the galaxy.”_

* * *

They hand him a medal the minute he’s released from the hospital. Bodhi stares at it uncomprehendingly for longer than is probably considered polite. No one calls him out on it though. Cassian stands next to him, supporting his weight as inconspicuously as possible. Chirrut stands on his other side, smile serene as he touches the medal around Bodhi’s neck.

“For Jedha,” he whispers and Bodhi, choked up, agrees.


End file.
